I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
