I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
