I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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