i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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