I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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