I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
