the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
