I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
