I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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