So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
