so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
