Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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