Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
