I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
