its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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