You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
