Im at strip club and am horny
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize