Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
