So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize