The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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