why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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