he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize