Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I CAN MOONWALK!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
