need another drink. this is the easiest way
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
