Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
