Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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