I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
