This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
