Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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