Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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