I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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