...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
