We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
