At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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