Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
