Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize