I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
