I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
