Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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