Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
