i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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