Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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