walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
