He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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