before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
