I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
