Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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