My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
