i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
