mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
