I need help removing her.
Buhtt sex?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
