The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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