Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
