I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
