I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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