some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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