Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
