You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize