i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize