For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
