i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
