This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
